Volatile avoidant validating hostile
The discussion ends when they negotiate a compromise (Gottman, 1994b).
Because their relationships emphasize mutual respect, validators pick their battles carefully.
They do not commonly use behaviors or words intent on hurting their partner or converting their partner to their way of thinking, and so their relationship remains regulated and relatively quiet and peaceful (Gottman, 1994b).
Avoidant couples tend to have calm, pleasant lives.
These couples see themselves as equals and work toward a relationship that highlights and strengthens individuality (Gottman, 1994a, 1994b).
A volatile couple engages in what most people think of as a “fight”.
It is typical of these partners to let their partner know that they consider their opinions and emotions valid even when they don’t agree with them.
Solving things in these marriages means that either they ignore the difference or one partner agrees to act more like the other.
However, in the process of agreeing to disagree, they reaffirm the love and satisfaction they have in their marriage overall, and they believe that the positives outweigh the majority of issues where the y disagree.
Wondering if marital typologies also include personality types as individiuals which, as a basis for interaction, is likely to produce the "type" of relationship produced between two people trying to be, and maintain their status as a couple throughout their lives through all of the ups and downs, i.e., thrills and stresses, of what constitutes two whole lives.
The number divorces (with their impact upon children) suggests that either marital counselors are missing the "right" approach to marriage, or couples have no confidence in their ability to define or understand just what the problem is in the marriage (which is highly likely).
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One risk of a volatile relationship is that if a couple loses sight of the boundaries of their relationship, they could slide into a hostile marriage (an unregulated type) and lead their relationship into self-destruction (Gottman 1994b).