Ten simple rules for dating my

Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.

Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough for my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GUY KNOW BUT I JUST BECAME A DAD AND WHEN I SEEN THIS ON THE INTERNET I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD SET OF RULES ( MY DAUGHTER WILL NOT LIKE ME WHEN IT'S TIME FOR HER TO DATE)Rule One If you pull into my driveway and honk you`d better be delivering a package, because you`re sure not picking anything up.

Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.

Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.

Rule Two You do not touch my daughter in front of me.

You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.

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