Intimidating uncle

Lou and I talked about music and song writing and the way Lou wrote was he would wake up in the morning or the middle of the night and just write the song down and it was complete he never changed a word first thought best thought.

For me to me this was infuriating to me who was whittling away at every word and looking at them through magnifying glasses. Everyone who knew him saw him cry unselfconsciously when he heard something unspeakably beautiful or saw something that became one of his amazing photographs. People who knew him also sometimes experienced his anger and his fury.

According to the Tibetan Book of the Dead after death all beings spend forty nine days in the bardo.

We talked a lot about how to get rid of the endless chattering that goes on in your mind...

We also did so many things together we went out almost every night in New York to see playa and music and shows and concerts. I never had a single doubt that we loved each other beyond anything else from the time we first met until the moment he died.

We went to Africa, we looked for magic, we went on pilgrimages, went swimming, cared for each other when we were sick, raised our dogs Lolabelle and Will, we invented private worlds with countless crazy characters, built houses, played music together, did tours. Everyone who has done that knows he'll change the tempo and slide into the words in a way you've never heard before and you get carried on this huge tide of music so full of freedom and joy- take a solo! Almost every day we said " and you- you are the love of my life" or some version of that in one of our many private and somewhat bizarre languages.

We're meeting here this evening because it's a very special day it's the fiftieth day after Lou's death. We were students of Buddhism and also artists so we had lots of reasons to try to understand how life and death can illuminate each other.

11:6 I was with Lou the morning he died and he knew exactly what was happening.

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When I was having trouble finishing a record and was endlessly complaining and worried he said, "I can't stand hearing about this one more second I'm going to come into the studio and work on this with you and stay there until you're done" Now this sounded kind of ominous..of a really bad idea.

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