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I'm not likely to fit on most of the rides at the amusement park and the thought of eating a meal sitting in a rickety plastic chair puts me on high alert.
If I try to talk to you about fatphobia, about discrimination, about the challenges I face as a fat woman in the world, please don't try to comfort me by telling me people don't mean it, that maybe I'm misreading the situation, the the world isn't out to get me.
Dudes tend to assume that I haven't dated a lot in my life -- or the opposite, that I'm always up for casual sex because I'm desperate for attention.
If there's an attraction between us, you'll know it, and whatever desires that sparks, let's talk about them.
These sorts of acrobatics are best attempted without the element of surprise.
I've had people tell me quite plainly that they just Um, no. I enjoy sex, I love meeting new people, and I think there is an incredible power in making intimate connections.
I don't mind if you tend to date fat girls, or really even if you get some specific pleasure from being with a fat woman -- but I don't need that to be the first thing you tell me about yourself. " It's announced as if it's supposed to reassure me that they aren't going to take one look at me naked and run, I think? Or maybe it's meant to suggest some kink; like to let me know that he wants to feed me cakes and watch me weigh myself? If you care more about my weight than I do, we're going to have a problem. When you tell me I'm not, what you are really saying is that despite my body size, I'm not all those horrible things you tend to associate with fatness.
This comes from guys who don't necessarily have a problem with my weight -- they just have a problem with fat people. " Or worse, "Oh you're so (beautiful, smart, sexy, whatever) for a fat girl…" all I hear is how much you hate fatness. "You're not the kind of lazy, stupid, disgusting, [insert sizeist insult here] slob who I expect fat people to be," is not a compliment.